Need Advice? Ask the Monkey!
Flingpoo SEES all, KNOWS all, TELLS all.
Ask a YES or NO question, the monkey brain is a simple brain.
Flingpoo SEES all, KNOWS all, TELLS all.
Ask a YES or NO question, the monkey brain is a simple brain.
The Masters of Cock & Bull
The local tavern has always been the home of Cock & Bull, as demonstrated below:
The local tavern has always been the home of Cock & Bull, as demonstrated below:
Norm!

Woody:
Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?
Norm:
Alright, but stop me at one.
Make that one-thirty.
Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?
Norm:
Alright, but stop me at one.
Make that one-thirty.
Cliff Clavin on Earthquakes in California:

No, there's never been any, see, what they tell us are earthquakes are actually sonic booms caused by a project that's been funded by the U.S. government. You see, what they're doing is they're, they're creating a huge, ah, cavity, a tunnel if you will, right to the center of the Earth where they're gonna build a giant computer to control the planet's rotation.
After an awkward pause: Can I, can I be the only one that's heard of this?
After an awkward pause: Can I, can I be the only one that's heard of this?
Norm!

Coach:
What'll it be, Normie?
Norm:
Just the usual Coach.
I'll have a trough of beer and a snorkel.
What'll it be, Normie?
Norm:
Just the usual Coach.
I'll have a trough of beer and a snorkel.
Cliff Clavin on the sex appeal of facial hair:

Cliff: Women can't really resist a thick crop of jaw hair. It goes back to... it goes back to Androcles.
Norm: Now wait a second, wasn't that Androcles the guy who pulled the thorn out of a lions paw?
Cliff: That's what he told his wife when she found the scratches on his back huh. I'm telling you guys, babes and beards.
Norm: Now wait a second, wasn't that Androcles the guy who pulled the thorn out of a lions paw?
Cliff: That's what he told his wife when she found the scratches on his back huh. I'm telling you guys, babes and beards.
Norm!

Woody:
Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?
Norm:
No,
I'd like a dead cat in a glass.
Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?
Norm:
No,
I'd like a dead cat in a glass.
Cliff Clavin on the domestication of the cow:

Speaking of milk, here's a little known fact; the cow was domesticated by the Mesopotamians. Yeah, that's right, in fact it wasn't originally a milk-bearing animal. Oh no, it was originally used as a guard animal for the Chinese Emperors during the Chung King dynasty.
Norm!

Sam:
Beer, Norm?
Norm:
Have I gotten that predictable?
Good.
Beer, Norm?
Norm:
Have I gotten that predictable?
Good.
Cliff Clavin on circumcision:

Cliff: This is nothing anyway, the original rites of passage started with the jungle tribes down in Borneo.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: When a young jungle tribal lad was on the brink of puberty they'd bring him forward and take out this large sharpened clam shell...
Sam: Oh, no, no, don't tell me.
Cliff: ...They would fill it up with dip, pass around the Hors d'œuvres...
Sam: Oh.
Cliff: ...then they'd take these two big jagged rocks...
Norm: No, Cliffie, Cliff, Cliff.
Cliff: ...bang them together to call in the tribe out of the hills, you know, then the witch doctor stepped up with this long sharpened bamboo staff...
Woody: Oh, here it comes.
Cliff: ...and just sort of shoved it into the ground, hung a flag on it and they danced around it pretty much till they dropped, really.
Sam: Wait a minute, when do they circumcise the kid?
Cliff: What do you mean circumcise? There's no Jews in Borneo.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: When a young jungle tribal lad was on the brink of puberty they'd bring him forward and take out this large sharpened clam shell...
Sam: Oh, no, no, don't tell me.
Cliff: ...They would fill it up with dip, pass around the Hors d'œuvres...
Sam: Oh.
Cliff: ...then they'd take these two big jagged rocks...
Norm: No, Cliffie, Cliff, Cliff.
Cliff: ...bang them together to call in the tribe out of the hills, you know, then the witch doctor stepped up with this long sharpened bamboo staff...
Woody: Oh, here it comes.
Cliff: ...and just sort of shoved it into the ground, hung a flag on it and they danced around it pretty much till they dropped, really.
Sam: Wait a minute, when do they circumcise the kid?
Cliff: What do you mean circumcise? There's no Jews in Borneo.
Norm!

Sam:
How's life treating you?
Norm:
It's not, Sammy,
but you can!
How's life treating you?
Norm:
It's not, Sammy,
but you can!
Cliff Clavin on the intelligence of pigs:

Cliff: Here's a little known fact, the smartest animal is the pig.
Norm: They look pretty stupid.
Cliff: No, I'm telling you, your average oinker, yeah, yeah, yeah, scientists say; if a pig had thumbs and a language it could be trained to do simple manual labor.
Norm: You mean they'd be part of the workforce?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah, they'd give you 20, 30 years of loyal service, then at the retirement dinner you could eat them.
Norm: They look pretty stupid.
Cliff: No, I'm telling you, your average oinker, yeah, yeah, yeah, scientists say; if a pig had thumbs and a language it could be trained to do simple manual labor.
Norm: You mean they'd be part of the workforce?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah, they'd give you 20, 30 years of loyal service, then at the retirement dinner you could eat them.
Norm!

Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A little early, isn't it Woody?
Woody: For a beer?
Norm: No, for stupid questions.
Norm: A little early, isn't it Woody?
Woody: For a beer?
Norm: No, for stupid questions.
Cliff Clavin on Florida Oranges:

Cliff: There are many theories as to why the Florida orange is far superior to it's California counterpart. I personally think it's the trace mineral elements in the Floridian water. That's obviously due to the frequency of typhoons and the nitrogen rich alligator guano. Furthermore, there's three points...
Bar patron: Say, I just remembered I left my oven on, if I hurry I can stick my head in it.
Bar patron: Say, I just remembered I left my oven on, if I hurry I can stick my head in it.
Norm!

Woody:
Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.
Norm:
I know,
and if she calls, I'm not here.
Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.
Norm:
I know,
and if she calls, I'm not here.
Cliff Clavin on The Bermuda Triangle:

Cliff: Well, you know however, this much is true, you know there's been recent sightings of human beings being shot up into the underbelly of alien spacecraft. You know, and speaking of the Bermuda Triangle, it's not technically a triangle.
Woody: It's not?
Cliff: Heck no, it's a trapazeedarhomboid, perfect for attracting Martian spacecraft.
Woody: It's not?
Cliff: Heck no, it's a trapazeedarhomboid, perfect for attracting Martian spacecraft.
Norm!

Sam:
Whatcha up to Norm?
Norm:
My ideal weight,
if I were eleven feet tall.
Whatcha up to Norm?
Norm:
My ideal weight,
if I were eleven feet tall.
Cliff Clavin on full figured women:

Cliff: You know Rebecca, I don't know why you're so concerned about your figure, you know, back in the Renaissance time full figured women were revered.
Norm: Get out.
Cliff: That's true.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah, artists would only paint big, voluptuous women.
In fact that's how they got rid of a lot of their old paint.
Norm: Get out.
Cliff: That's true.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah, artists would only paint big, voluptuous women.
In fact that's how they got rid of a lot of their old paint.
Norm!

Sam:
What'd you like, Normie?
Norm:
A reason to live.
Gimme another beer.
What'd you like, Normie?
Norm:
A reason to live.
Gimme another beer.
Cliff Clavin on reptiles:

It's a common belief that the Tyrannosaurus Rex was the king of the dinosaurs, you know, as indicated by the palativesaurus. The smartest of the spiny reptiles was actually the Peapatroid.
Norm!

Woody:
How's it going Mr. Peterson?
Norm:
It's a dog eat dog world, Woody...
and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.
How's it going Mr. Peterson?
Norm:
It's a dog eat dog world, Woody...
and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.
Cliff Clavin on the meaning of life:

Sam: I keep asking myself: What is the point to life?
Woody: Whew. That's a tough question.
Cliff: Ehh. Well, I got the answer.
Frasier: Somehow I knew you would.
Cliff: Comfortable shoes.
Frasier: Shoes?
Cliff: Yeah. If you're not wearing comfortable shoes, life is just chaos. I mean the greatest accomplishments in history have been made by men wearing accommodating shoes.
Uh, Frasier, tell me, who do you think is the greatest thinker in all mankind?
Frasier: I don't know, uh, Aristotle?
Cliff: There you go: sandals. Perhaps the most comfortable shoe there is.
You hardly even know you have them on.
I mean Confucius: thongs.
Einstein: loose loafers.
Woody: Whew. That's a tough question.
Cliff: Ehh. Well, I got the answer.
Frasier: Somehow I knew you would.
Cliff: Comfortable shoes.
Frasier: Shoes?
Cliff: Yeah. If you're not wearing comfortable shoes, life is just chaos. I mean the greatest accomplishments in history have been made by men wearing accommodating shoes.
Uh, Frasier, tell me, who do you think is the greatest thinker in all mankind?
Frasier: I don't know, uh, Aristotle?
Cliff: There you go: sandals. Perhaps the most comfortable shoe there is.
You hardly even know you have them on.
I mean Confucius: thongs.
Einstein: loose loafers.
A Cock & Bull Genius? Food for Thought...
Steven Wright

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident.
I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
“If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,
then someone, somewhere is making a penny.”
“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”
“What's another word for thesaurus?”
“If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?”
“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
“I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.”
“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?”
“Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”
“I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.”
“It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.”
“You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.”
“I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.”
“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”
“I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”
“Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?”
“Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear bright before you hear them speak? ”
“Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.”
“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”
“If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?”
“I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
“Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?”
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”
“Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.”
“It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.”
“Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?”
“A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.”
“I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.”
“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.”
“When an evil masochist dies, does he go to hell, or would heaven be a better punishment?”
“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.”
“I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.”
“Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?”
“If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?”
“If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?”
“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”
“I can levitate birds. No one cares.”
“Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?”
“All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.”
“Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.”
“I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.”
“How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?”
“In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, 'Cut it out.'”
“I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?”
“I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.”
“How young can you die of old age?”
“I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?”
“I went to a general store, but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.”
“You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...”
“What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?”
“I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.”
“I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.”
“Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.”
“I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wakeup letter.”
“If God dropped acid, would he see people?”
“My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.”
“I went down to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours. He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.”
“Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?”
“How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?”
“I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.”
“Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?”
“What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?”
“When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.”
“If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?”
“How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?”
“If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?”
“I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.”
“You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.”
“I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.”
“The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese.”
“When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.
I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.”
“You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.”
“The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.”
“My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.”
“Always remember your unique, just like everyone else”
I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
“If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,
then someone, somewhere is making a penny.”
“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”
“What's another word for thesaurus?”
“If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?”
“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
“I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.”
“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?”
“Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”
“I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.”
“It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.”
“You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.”
“I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.”
“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”
“I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”
“Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?”
“Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear bright before you hear them speak? ”
“Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.”
“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”
“If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?”
“I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
“Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?”
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”
“Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.”
“It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.”
“Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?”
“A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.”
“I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.”
“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.”
“When an evil masochist dies, does he go to hell, or would heaven be a better punishment?”
“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.”
“I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.”
“Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?”
“If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?”
“If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?”
“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”
“I can levitate birds. No one cares.”
“Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?”
“All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.”
“Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.”
“I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.”
“How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?”
“In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, 'Cut it out.'”
“I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?”
“I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.”
“How young can you die of old age?”
“I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?”
“I went to a general store, but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.”
“You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...”
“What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?”
“I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.”
“I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.”
“Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.”
“I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wakeup letter.”
“If God dropped acid, would he see people?”
“My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.”
“I went down to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours. He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.”
“Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?”
“How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?”
“I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.”
“Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?”
“What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?”
“When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.”
“If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?”
“How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?”
“If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?”
“I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.”
“You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.”
“I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.”
“The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese.”
“When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.
I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.”
“You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.”
“The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.”
“My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.”
“Always remember your unique, just like everyone else”
How come you never see a headline like: Psychic Wins Lottery!
~Jay Leno
~Jay Leno
2021
F. Kenton Beshore bases his prediction on the prior suggestion that Jesus could return in 1988, i.e., within one Biblical generation (40 years) of the founding of Israel in 1948. Beshore argues that the prediction was correct, but that the definition of a Biblical generation was incorrect and was actually 70–80 years, placing the Second Coming of Jesus between 2018 and 2028 and the Rapture by 2021 at the latest.
2020
Psychic Jeane Dixon claimed that Armageddon would take place in 2020 and Jesus would return to defeat the unholy Trinity of the Antichrist, Satan and the False prophet between 2020 and 2037. Dixon previously predicted the world would end on February 4, 1962.
------------------------------------ PREDICTION FAIL LINE -----------------------------------
2013 - May 19
Ronald Weinland's revised prediction of Jesus Christ's return following his failed 2011 and 2012 predictions.
2012 - December 21–24
The so-called Mayan apocalypse at the start of the 14th b'ak'tun. The Earth would be destroyed by an asteroid, Nibiru, or some other interplanetary object; an alien invasion; or a supernova. Scientists from NASA, along with expert archeologists, stated that none of those events were possible.
2012 - June 30
José Luis de Jesús predicted that the world's governments and economies would fail on this day, and that he and his followers would undergo a transformation that would allow them to fly and walk through walls.
2012 - May 27
Ronald Weinland stated Jesus Christ would return and the world would end on this day.
2011 - August/October
There were fears amongst the public that Comet Elenin travelling almost directly between Earth and the Sun would cause disturbances to the Earth's crust, causing massive earthquakes and tidal waves. Others predicted that Elenin would collide with Earth on October 16. Scientists tried to calm fears by stating that none of these events were possible.
2011 - October 21
When his original date failed to come about, Harold Camping revised his prediction and said that on May 21, a "Spiritual Judgment" took place, and that both the physical Rapture and the end of the world would occur on October 21, 2011.
2011 - September 29
Ronald Weinland stated Jesus Christ would return on this day. He prophesied nuclear explosions in U.S. port cities by July 2008 as the blowing of the Second Trumpet of Revelation. After his prophecy failed to come true he changed the date for the return of Jesus Christ to May 27, 2012.
2011 - May 21
Harold Camping predicted that the Rapture and devastating earthquakes would occur on May 21, 2011 with God taking approximately 3% of the world's population into Heaven, and that the end of the world would occur five months later on October 21.
2010
The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn predicted the world would end in this year.
2010 - March 30 and
2008 - Sepember 10
A number of groups claimed that activation of the Large Hadron Collider experiment would bring about the end of the world through the production of planet-eating micro black holes or strangelets. Similar claims were made about 2010, March 30, when the collider reached 7 TeV, half of its maximum energy.
2007 - April 29
In his 1990 book, The New Millennium, Pat Robertson suggests this date as the day of Earth's destruction.
2006 - September 12
Yisrayl Hawkins, Pastor and Overseer, The House of Yahwah, Abilene, Texas in the Febbruary 2006 newsletter predicted the start of nuclear war on September 12, 2006.
2003 - November 29
The Japanese cult, Aum Shinrikyo, predicted the world would be destroyed by a nuclear war between October 30 and November 29, 2003.
2003 - May
Nancy Lieder originally predicted the date for the Nibiru collision as May 2003. According to her website, aliens in the Zeta Reticuli star system told her through messages via a brain implant of a planet which would enter our solar system and cause a pole shift on earth that would destroy most of humanity.
2002
Yoruba priests predicted dramatic tragedy and crisis in 2002, including coups, war, disease, and flooding.
2001
Tynetta Muhammad, columnist for the Nation of Islam, predicted the end would occur in this year.
2000
In 1971, and again in 1984, the Jehovah's Witnesses stated the end would be before the end of the 20th century.
2000
Jonathan Edwards, an 18th-century preacher, predicted that Christ's thousand-year reign would begin in this year.
2000
Minister Lester Sumrall predicted the end in his book I Predict 2000.
2000
Pastor Ed Dobson predicted the end would occur in his book The End: Why Jesus Could Return by A.D. 2000.
2000
Sun Myung Moon, the founder of the Unification Church, predicted the Kingdom of Heaven would be established in this year.
2000
Psychic, Edgar Cayce, predicted the Second Coming would occur this year.
2000
Ruth Montgomery, a self-described Christian psychic, predicted the Earth's axis would shift and the Antichrist would reveal himself in this year.
2000
Isaac Newton predicted that Christ's Millennium would begin in the year 2000 in his book Observations upon the Prophecies of Daniel, and the Apocalypse of St. John.
2000
Helena Blavatsky, the founder of Theosophy, foresaw the end of the world in this year.
2000
Peter Olivi, a 13th-century theologian wrote that the Antichrist would come to power between 1300 and 1340, and the Last Judgement would take place around 2000.
2000 - October 9
Bible teacher, Grant Jeffrey, suggested this date as the "probable termination point for the 'last days.'"
2000 - May 5
The Nuwaubian Nation movement claimed that the planetary lineup would cause a "star holocaust," pulling the planets toward the sun on this day.
2000 - April 6
James Harmston, the leader of the True and Living Church of Jesus Christ of Saints of the Last Days, predicted the Second Coming of Christ would occur on this day.
2000 - January 1
Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, Christian authors, stated the Y2K bug would trigger global economic chaos, which the Antichrist would use to rise to power. As the date approached however they changed their minds.
2000 - January 1
Jerry Falwell foresaw God pouring out his judgement on the world on this day.
2000 - January 1
An estimated 778 followers of a Ugandan religious movement perished in a devastating fire and a series of poisonings and killings that were either a group suicide or an orchestrated mass murder by group leaders after their predictions of the apocalypse failed to come about.
2000 - January 1
Predictions that a Y2k computer bug would crash or malfunction many computers causing major catastrophes worldwide and that society would cease to function.
F. Kenton Beshore bases his prediction on the prior suggestion that Jesus could return in 1988, i.e., within one Biblical generation (40 years) of the founding of Israel in 1948. Beshore argues that the prediction was correct, but that the definition of a Biblical generation was incorrect and was actually 70–80 years, placing the Second Coming of Jesus between 2018 and 2028 and the Rapture by 2021 at the latest.
2020
Psychic Jeane Dixon claimed that Armageddon would take place in 2020 and Jesus would return to defeat the unholy Trinity of the Antichrist, Satan and the False prophet between 2020 and 2037. Dixon previously predicted the world would end on February 4, 1962.
------------------------------------ PREDICTION FAIL LINE -----------------------------------
2013 - May 19
Ronald Weinland's revised prediction of Jesus Christ's return following his failed 2011 and 2012 predictions.
2012 - December 21–24
The so-called Mayan apocalypse at the start of the 14th b'ak'tun. The Earth would be destroyed by an asteroid, Nibiru, or some other interplanetary object; an alien invasion; or a supernova. Scientists from NASA, along with expert archeologists, stated that none of those events were possible.
2012 - June 30
José Luis de Jesús predicted that the world's governments and economies would fail on this day, and that he and his followers would undergo a transformation that would allow them to fly and walk through walls.
2012 - May 27
Ronald Weinland stated Jesus Christ would return and the world would end on this day.
2011 - August/October
There were fears amongst the public that Comet Elenin travelling almost directly between Earth and the Sun would cause disturbances to the Earth's crust, causing massive earthquakes and tidal waves. Others predicted that Elenin would collide with Earth on October 16. Scientists tried to calm fears by stating that none of these events were possible.
2011 - October 21
When his original date failed to come about, Harold Camping revised his prediction and said that on May 21, a "Spiritual Judgment" took place, and that both the physical Rapture and the end of the world would occur on October 21, 2011.
2011 - September 29
Ronald Weinland stated Jesus Christ would return on this day. He prophesied nuclear explosions in U.S. port cities by July 2008 as the blowing of the Second Trumpet of Revelation. After his prophecy failed to come true he changed the date for the return of Jesus Christ to May 27, 2012.
2011 - May 21
Harold Camping predicted that the Rapture and devastating earthquakes would occur on May 21, 2011 with God taking approximately 3% of the world's population into Heaven, and that the end of the world would occur five months later on October 21.
2010
The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn predicted the world would end in this year.
2010 - March 30 and
2008 - Sepember 10
A number of groups claimed that activation of the Large Hadron Collider experiment would bring about the end of the world through the production of planet-eating micro black holes or strangelets. Similar claims were made about 2010, March 30, when the collider reached 7 TeV, half of its maximum energy.
2007 - April 29
In his 1990 book, The New Millennium, Pat Robertson suggests this date as the day of Earth's destruction.
2006 - September 12
Yisrayl Hawkins, Pastor and Overseer, The House of Yahwah, Abilene, Texas in the Febbruary 2006 newsletter predicted the start of nuclear war on September 12, 2006.
2003 - November 29
The Japanese cult, Aum Shinrikyo, predicted the world would be destroyed by a nuclear war between October 30 and November 29, 2003.
2003 - May
Nancy Lieder originally predicted the date for the Nibiru collision as May 2003. According to her website, aliens in the Zeta Reticuli star system told her through messages via a brain implant of a planet which would enter our solar system and cause a pole shift on earth that would destroy most of humanity.
2002
Yoruba priests predicted dramatic tragedy and crisis in 2002, including coups, war, disease, and flooding.
2001
Tynetta Muhammad, columnist for the Nation of Islam, predicted the end would occur in this year.
2000
In 1971, and again in 1984, the Jehovah's Witnesses stated the end would be before the end of the 20th century.
2000
Jonathan Edwards, an 18th-century preacher, predicted that Christ's thousand-year reign would begin in this year.
2000
Minister Lester Sumrall predicted the end in his book I Predict 2000.
2000
Pastor Ed Dobson predicted the end would occur in his book The End: Why Jesus Could Return by A.D. 2000.
2000
Sun Myung Moon, the founder of the Unification Church, predicted the Kingdom of Heaven would be established in this year.
2000
Psychic, Edgar Cayce, predicted the Second Coming would occur this year.
2000
Ruth Montgomery, a self-described Christian psychic, predicted the Earth's axis would shift and the Antichrist would reveal himself in this year.
2000
Isaac Newton predicted that Christ's Millennium would begin in the year 2000 in his book Observations upon the Prophecies of Daniel, and the Apocalypse of St. John.
2000
Helena Blavatsky, the founder of Theosophy, foresaw the end of the world in this year.
2000
Peter Olivi, a 13th-century theologian wrote that the Antichrist would come to power between 1300 and 1340, and the Last Judgement would take place around 2000.
2000 - October 9
Bible teacher, Grant Jeffrey, suggested this date as the "probable termination point for the 'last days.'"
2000 - May 5
The Nuwaubian Nation movement claimed that the planetary lineup would cause a "star holocaust," pulling the planets toward the sun on this day.
2000 - April 6
James Harmston, the leader of the True and Living Church of Jesus Christ of Saints of the Last Days, predicted the Second Coming of Christ would occur on this day.
2000 - January 1
Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, Christian authors, stated the Y2K bug would trigger global economic chaos, which the Antichrist would use to rise to power. As the date approached however they changed their minds.
2000 - January 1
Jerry Falwell foresaw God pouring out his judgement on the world on this day.
2000 - January 1
An estimated 778 followers of a Ugandan religious movement perished in a devastating fire and a series of poisonings and killings that were either a group suicide or an orchestrated mass murder by group leaders after their predictions of the apocalypse failed to come about.
2000 - January 1
Predictions that a Y2k computer bug would crash or malfunction many computers causing major catastrophes worldwide and that society would cease to function.
King Witlaf's Drinking-Horn

By Henry Wadsworth Longfellow - 1848
Witlaf, a king of the Saxons,
Ere yet his last he breathed,
To the merry monks of Croyland
His drinking-horn bequeathed,--
That, whenever they sat at their revels,
And drank from the golden bowl,
They might remember the donor,
And breathe a prayer for his soul.
So sat they once at Christmas,
And bade the goblet pass;
In their beards the red wine glistened
Like dew-drops in the grass.
They drank to the soul of Witlaf,
They drank to Christ the Lord,
And to each of the Twelve Apostles,
Who had preached his holy word.
They drank to the Saints and Martyrs
Of the dismal days of yore,
And as soon as the horn was empty
They remembered one Saint more.
And the reader droned from the pulpit
Like the murmur of many bees,
The legend of good Saint Guthlac,
And Saint Basil's homilies;
Till the great bells of the convent,
From their prison in the tower,
Guthlac and Bartholomaeus,
Proclaimed the midnight hour.
And the Yule-log cracked in the chimney,
And the Abbot bowed his head,
And the flamelets flapped and flickered,
But the Abbot was stark and dead.
Yet still in his pallid fingers
He clutched the golden bowl,
In which, like a pearl dissolving,
Had sunk and dissolved his soul.
But not for this their revels
The jovial monks forbore,
For they cried, "Fill high the goblet!
We must drink to one Saint more!"
Witlaf, a king of the Saxons,
Ere yet his last he breathed,
To the merry monks of Croyland
His drinking-horn bequeathed,--
That, whenever they sat at their revels,
And drank from the golden bowl,
They might remember the donor,
And breathe a prayer for his soul.
So sat they once at Christmas,
And bade the goblet pass;
In their beards the red wine glistened
Like dew-drops in the grass.
They drank to the soul of Witlaf,
They drank to Christ the Lord,
And to each of the Twelve Apostles,
Who had preached his holy word.
They drank to the Saints and Martyrs
Of the dismal days of yore,
And as soon as the horn was empty
They remembered one Saint more.
And the reader droned from the pulpit
Like the murmur of many bees,
The legend of good Saint Guthlac,
And Saint Basil's homilies;
Till the great bells of the convent,
From their prison in the tower,
Guthlac and Bartholomaeus,
Proclaimed the midnight hour.
And the Yule-log cracked in the chimney,
And the Abbot bowed his head,
And the flamelets flapped and flickered,
But the Abbot was stark and dead.
Yet still in his pallid fingers
He clutched the golden bowl,
In which, like a pearl dissolving,
Had sunk and dissolved his soul.
But not for this their revels
The jovial monks forbore,
For they cried, "Fill high the goblet!
We must drink to one Saint more!"
Please send questions or comments to: [email protected]
Created By F. M. Smith | Copyright MMXVI | All Rights Reserved
Created By F. M. Smith | Copyright MMXVI | All Rights Reserved
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)Indiana Jones: Archaeology is the search for fact... not truth. If it's truth you're looking for, Dr. Tyree's philosophy class is right down the hall.
Spock: If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.